An old phrase bubbled back into conciousness again this week: unknown unknowns. I suddenly feel very aware of my myopia.

A few events converged this weekend to re-open this kind of self-awareness. A few days of lighter workload, finally leaving Brooklyn, being reminded that I don’t have an inkling of real job security past Nov. 2nd. Recently I think I’ve been treating my work life with a fated resignation, feeling grimly committed to a set of political priorities that aren’t really mine. I’ve been paying very poor attention to my immediate surroundings, including my personal wellbeing. For a while I thought it was me finally settling in to MO, but I wonder now if it wasn’t more just a pragmatic ignorance of anything outside of my particular frame of mind.

Sitting down to write at this moment, all of the projects I felt ready to take on I realize are only half-form sentences at the tip of my tongue. I realize that most complacency is very pragmatic, feeding on the self-validation people need to feel committed to their daily lives, which otherwise exhaust them. You forget what you know, and the fog sets in on old experiences.

I’m making plans for what comes next. I’m running low on excuses.